the science of statistical sleep.

today in statistics, all i came up with was "the science of statistical sleep." because i really wanna sleep in that class. i like statistics and all, but it'd be one hell of a class to sleep in. its good though. nice. graphs numbers. sigma.
- - -
i have to admit, i don't think i've ever felt as much pain as i felt today, on the bus ride home.
the feeling of needing to pee after you've induced 4 heap heap heaping cups of tea is excruciating.
sitting next to your best friend on a cramped, crowded bus, packed 3 3 3 3 3 3 2 2 2 2 2 2 with 54+ people wall to wall with bags and coats and no room to move, with loud, blaring dance music and a crazy Ecuadorian bus driver is amazingly intense. What can you do when your bladder starts feeling pain, and starts cramping, and the cramps feel confined and have no where to go but your back and you have to sit up up up to try and ease them away. When you sit next to the window, looking out at the traffic wishing the bus had taken the other route, or the traffic would move a lot damn faster all the while as the sky turns black and you seen the perfect, effortless moon. you go through every curse word you can think of and list them in your head one after the other and wish you could just get the damn guts to go up to that tall Argentinian, freshman bastard and tell them all to him, in goddamn chronological order, and then tell him hes a goddamn bad person, in fact one of the worst you know. and how you want them to break the fuck up so he can go cry. so he knows how you feel. and when he crys he'll come to you, and then you'll give him his damn karma back and rub it in his face like there's no tomorrow. but aha, there is a tomorrow. and when it comes, you go up to him again, and say, "hey, listen. about yesterday, when i told you all those words. cursing, in order, with that list. yeah, i forgot one you _____" and the hurt that you can't laugh! because if you laugh your diaphragm contracts and your bladder relaxes and everything will spill out like a secret being told in the girls' bathroom, or being divulged over AIM. how as the minutes keep ticking away into an hour you have to cry, because the pains soooo bad that's all you have to do. but you hide your head, and don't show it. you just lean into the beautiful boy next to you and wish you never drank that much! or just used the goddamn bathroom! the guilt you can't help but feel because your best friend wants you to feel better and tries to feel your pain and how a pat on the head and a shoulder to cry and lean on really does help! how "it's raining men" will come on and you have to shield your ears so you don't think about it.
how you can't think about it. because that's all i'll ever do. think think think think think.
how you have to run home because you're getting a headache and you call your brother and proclaim "PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR MAKE SURE THE KITCHEN IS OPEN SO I CAN RUN TO THE BATHROOM" and how when you come running to the door, he holds it open and stands on the side. like he's moving out of the way like you're running a marathon.
and finally, just goddamn finally,
when you get to pee.
you sigh the biggest sigh of relief in the entirety of your life that you can remember and moan at the pleasure that you are being cleaned of everything.
- - -
i don't think anything has conveyed this much effort from me in a while, aha. thanks bladder.