i don't even know where to begin.
ok, i've wasted 5 minutes doing everything else, but whatever.

yesterday i shut myself off from 1st-7th period, turned myself back on for 8th period, and then as soon as 8th period was over, shut myself off again. somewhat.
yes i know, i am not a machine but,-oh wait. yes i am.
8th period was biopardy biopardy biopardy and everything before it was studying.
and fuck that, i knew my shit inside out, i still do. which is...scary.
anyway, the test overall was so easy that i should've complained. but i didn't, because, well. thats better for me. and my team.
whatever.
the skit came out great and the video is ok.
i'm riding on creativity and luck here, because heaven knows i'm not smart.
in some ways.

so afterschool i guess i was supposed to go to the park, and in between me text messaging and rob "sleeping" he comes up from his slumber and says "you wanna go to ny?"
i thought he was goddamn bullshitting me, like always (haha) but he wasn't. so we got off the bus, went to his house, looked up some stuff on the computer, and were off.
destination: american museum of natural history
we took a bus to journal square, path to ny, subway line B to 81st and central park
and man, you have no clue how good it felt. to just get away and leave it all behind.
i guess you were right, killer. i'll tell you that.
so when we got to the museum, we went to the rose center, the planetarium and they had this jazz concert going on. i went on listening while rob went to get tickets, but apparently the museum closes at 5:45. which is so stupid.
so we decided to just go, and walk back to 33rd to take the path, and absorb everything along the way.
destination: 81st to 33rd, along the route of central park ave west
beautiful! its quite exhilarating you know, to walk along this path, while the calm, sweet park is on your left, and the busy, bustling city is on your right. and even at 6 at night, in the dark dark dark cold cold cold the park is brilliant and ever so gleaming. we came along a walkway and walked right on through it, which was right by the strawberry fields and then as we kept walking, we came across this tunnel. you have no clue what. feeling it is, you know!
a tunnel, pitch black, in the middle of new york city. me and rob stood there for a minute, contemplating to go through or not, the danger you couldn't see, and what would happen.
after that, arm in arm, cellphone's for guidance in hand, we walked through. and back.
it sounds so effortless and unimportant, but really. how nice! so much symbolism and what not, you know? i'm not in the mood for that, though. and the entire time, on central park west we were walking along the route of one scene is august rush. ah!
kept walking through the park and! tavern on the green.
entrance decked out in tents, their biggest tree completely covered in lights.
and! there were those horse carriage things, and rob was nice enough to let us ride one. the both of us. yeah, fuck that sentence. so we rode one! from all the way where we walked, back to tavern on the green. and how nice! everything seems so much more magical and gleaming in a horse drawn carriage. after taking some pictures and petting the horse, we were off again. i saw one street with all of their trees covered in lights and i wanted to see so we walked through there, took a left back through our route and were on columbus ave? i'm not even sure. but we saw the lincoln center, if that helps. and we ended up going to some cafes and what not, and then the museum of folk art. which was so. whats that word, i'm not sure. nostalgic, there we go. little figures of imagination conveyed so beautifully. back on the path again.
within this time i called my mother and said i was at robs house. but we were going home anyway.
we walked walked walked in a somewhat rush and ended up back at manhattan mall in between seeing a plethora of shops and stores.
on the path, to journal square.
get a slice of pizza, go on the bus.
rob's mom calls him. blahblah where are you, who are you with.
"what about sarah."
and i knew it! i knew knew knew my goddamn parents would show up at his house because it was too good to be goddamn true. and my mom is such a bitch, you know? laughing and what not. while spitting out the lines, "you've never lied before, why now?"
do i think my parents are stupid? no. but apparently they are. "where are you now, on the bus?"
"journal square."
but i say i'm at newport, so i get to journal square? yeah. thoughtso.
so i lied to my parents and said i was at rob's house, but no, to cover the lie of not actually being there i said i was at newport mall, with rob dylan and justin.
which is just. yeah.
yes yes yes i know, how horrible. i'm a horrible person, i know. but what. i knew they'd never let me go to ny, but still.
although i do think i'm partly stupid because i could've said i was at newport mall and not rob's house.
oh boy how stupid i am.
so i got off the bus, and walking up my hill of a block i thought, "this isn't the spark or controversy i was hoping to bust through the doors of my heart." because oh man.
i got home, got grilled. was told that apparently i'm a horrible person and a liar and i'm worthless and bad.
oh, the usual.
but my dad.
i don't even want to type it because it's horrible, and i'll cry. because i can't even imagine him doing that, or living like that all without him! thats horrible, you know.
and they say i'm a horrible person. how horrible they are.
i couldn't deal with anything and after being online for less than an hour i just slept.
i'm up now, if only for about an hour, but i just want to keep on sleeping, because nothing ever goes wrong there.
it doesn't even sound that severe, but nothing i ever blog sounds as it should.
blogs are such liars.

my emotion is lacking, i am full of apathy. how horrible i am, come on, keep telling me.

dear you,
thank you very much for that day, it will be instilled in my memories so vividly, although i am very very very sorry. i don't want to loose you, and i won't! it'll all be okay, i know. i'm so sorry.
sincerely, me.

i can't deal with shit anymore.