i have to go all out of my fucking goddamn way to get my fucking goddamn half assed laptop repaired, at least.
because my father is a mother fucking bitch sent from fucking hell himself and is an asshole that doesn't want to bother paying money here and there to get it fucking fixed within an hour or two from best buy.
what a mother fucking bitch, i fucking swear.
any time i fucking need him he's never fucking there, and he never has been there.
i barely know this man, and he's my fucking father. he makes no effort at all, and really, that's what fucking kills me.
alive for 15 fucking years and this goddamn asshole.
never there, at all.
only there in my moments of glory, so he can try and claim some credit, but the moment i slip up, he gets angry, frustrated and runs away.
it reminds me so vividly of my fucking childhood about how he was never there
and how he was gone for fucking days, weeks the fucking alcoholic
and now, fucking goddamn again
NEVER HERE
i don't want to talk about it anymore, at all.
really, sincerely.
i always just wished i had someone who was always there, or rather, just there, and didn't exactly plan on going anywhere, without me at least.
or someone to just listen.
shit like this is what everyone wants, i guess.
but it is personified in my head now more than ever.
i really can't tolerate a lot of shit, anymore.
i'm really sick and tired of being so nice, and just, nothing.

i was really thinking, and it's a lot harder for me to find someone i like out of a whole group of people.
now, more than ever, it is so easy for me to hate and dislike. and that. well, i hate that.