we might be made for this

i'm thinking there's a situation with my name written allover it and the blood from my arteries spilled at its feet.
yeah, thats right, not a boy or so, just a situation.
the stuck-up, cliche, normal, ever so present, ever so usual, ever NOT needed at this time situation.
i never know why i do these things to myself, but i do, and right now i'm on the borderline good, borderline bad.
nothing is wrong, nothing is right, and i think thats the way its supposed to be.
but i generally don't like that at all. being in the gray, where one little tug or push could put you into the black, or the white.
right about now i like the gray.
although i wouldn't mind some color here and there.

late last night (or rather now uh, saturday night) i was thinking all too much, because of the discussions i was in before i cozied up into bed.
i was thinking how my feelings are tangled like my hair, or rather (because thats a lie, my hair never fucking tangles. how boring.) like the vines that hang from the back of the house next door.
the other day they had some burning thing, lol, and the vines set on fire and they broke apart.
and thats how i felt.
that i needed some fire to set me free free free.
how lame.
do you realize how lame i really am?
(i'm thinking you should go run, run away, before i become some knock-off sentence in a blog about how stupid and lame i am.)
so i thought
rah rah rah i kind of like you
but
rah rah rah if i told you, and somehow we did go out, i'd loose him forever, or for at least a while
and
rah rah rah what about him
because, whoah, i've definitely got too many people who fall under 'he', and 'him'
so i thought about it, and i let it slide for a little, and yeah.
i had the best dream ever. really. just, immaculate.
and, i happened to get a text at FOUR IN THE MORNING.
right.
so i wake up rah rahhhhhh i go on my computer because thats all my days ever are anymore.
and somehow within this day, i uh
did what needed to be done.
the results aren't bad at all, in fact, i was hoping for them.
but still.
- - -
dear you,
i don't know what happened, or anything at all, but you need to come talk to me, or i'm thinking you do.
because i'm only getting this vibe that i did something wrong, and i have no clue what i did, because i sure as hell know i didn't do anything.
i don't know. i'm just worried about you and me, so pleeeeeease.
come back.