you're all that i recognize.

my mind always utters the words 'ap ap ap', and i type them effortlessly and i think its all because those three, uh, words, have no meaning. they don't try to be anything and convey nothing. nothing but sound, which is all i'm trying to make, because its so hard for me already.
i'd probably never be able to make a rio-oh wait, i already have.
- - -
today i beasted on my bio midterm.
really, i seriously did and if i don't get at least a 90 i'm turning fucking asian.
lol i'm trying not to be an asian all hung up on being asian, but it happens.
anyway, left early and got on the bus.
slept and then got off.
and me and rob contemplated what to do, and i swear i am such a prick because i was so scared today, and i'm not even sure why.
lol i had to fucking hide in rite aid for a half hour so his parents didn't see me because if they did. actually, i'm not sure what would happen if they did, but i avoided it at all costs.
so then we ate in subway and sat and talked, and it was nice.
although i'm so quiet /:
and then we left and walked to cvp and then swang and talked more.
and then i decided i should just go home, so we went to walgreens first.
and! rob actually walked me home, you know. so we go in my house and go to the back and start burning shit.
more like things you need to get rid of.
but then i get scared some more (lol) and bail out and we'll finish later.
oh man, i swear i'm not such a bomb. it was just today was definitely the wrong day.
- - -
you drive me crazy, you know.
i'm not even sure why.
it's just that you have become such an importance to me that i can't imagine not having you around.
i think its just all of the things you do, and what not, but i can't help but hold you almost so significantly to me.
you should hear how i talk about you.
i wake up and i think of you. sometimes i force myself not to think of you, and its hard.
but above all, everyday i want to wake up next to you. and i'm not really sure why.
i miss you a lot, sometimes. although you are not mine, and i'd like to call you mine, maybe.
i'm not even sure.
i'd like to see some actual emotion from you. feeling.
for me, even if its not in the way i'd adore it most.
maybe this is. supposed to be more of a, 'i like you' blahblahblah kind of thing, but then again i know its really not.
because i don't think i actually like you. i just need you. or want you.
there is a very fine line between liking someone and wanting them.
- - -
there has been another boy added to this hand of mine.
i'm not sure if anyone gets that, but its fine.
we got really close.
and i adore him, and love him too.
but i think that actually might be true.
sigh and lol @ my life.
- - -
with every new boy i worry about there comes a new music dive.
oh, and the expression for their love of cats.
i swear to God every boy i meet has a thing for cats.