i'd walk on the water you're breathing.

i'm sitting at home right now, uh, obvious, and i'm really bored as fuck.
today has been quite the quaint one, and not as bad as yesterday, and probably a whole lot better than tomorrow, school wise at least, will be.
today uh. nothing much, actually. nothing ever so significant, or even worth mentioning.
not even the fact that it was valentines day, you know.
nothing this year is ever exciting as last year, and that really sucks.
last year, i actually had a valentine, and it was pretty sweet, and school was pretty sweet, too.
this year was just work work work. everything this year is always work work work and there's never a break, or even a pit stop for me to just breathe a little.
and then everyone wonders why i run at 100miles an hour with a 100 or so fever.
engines on overload, baby!
anyway.
rah rah rah no valentine class is boring and today i happen to get piled on with tests for tomorrow, which is somewhat okay because that means i get no work for over the break.
it is also so relevant to me that days when i don't have bio, I HAVE BIO.
do you know how ANNOYING that is. one day i'm just going to drop fucking dead. but oh-wait.
they're going to need biology to tell you why i'm dead. which is uh, because of biology. duh.
i also managed to get that matchmaker thing, which was totally ridiculous and a waste of 2$, haha.
although, seeing people who got me instead was much much much more interesting.
lol@steven.
i totally swear, this stuff is all fixed, or a work of your subconscious mind.
and in some really weird, minuscule, non-important way, its the superior beings way of saying, "ha! i'm alive"
and thats a bomb.
anyway. rah rahhhhhhhhhh
i go home and i go on the bus, and again, i whisper bits to rob, and he whispers back and rah rah exchange of words
and dylan!
OH SPEAKING OF ROB.
do you know! he called me fucking easy!
i swear, if he wasn't rob! and what gets me even more is that dylan agrees, and he sits and tallies the souls i have stolen since the summer.
haha. that number is intense, i'm telling you.
hush hush it doesn't correspond with anything other than 'I KISSED HIM'
i kid, i kid.
anyway.
it never even surprises me anymore how these boys treat me, and tease me about getting some, when they shouldn't even be speaking because THEY CAN'T GET ANY.
moving on.
i get off the bus, and i see cops, so i pick up my pace and its sort of running, and then, i get to the park, and uh.
hello niko.
and we walk home, and rah rah, we talk and i get a flower, and once again, i've gotta hide this from my parents because they'll uh, kill me, and the time spent on my porch, in fact;
all the time ever spent on my porch is so sentimental and important to me, and i can never forget any single piece of it.
right, anyway.
um lol
lol lol
he leaves for a little.
rah rah i go inside and study, he goes to wherever the fuck he is
whenever hes in jersey city, i'm not sure where he ever stays, but i know its close to me, and i know he can get back to me, and hes never too far away
and b, seriously
you have no clue how good that feeling is.
um, my dad leaves for a little and i sneak out again.
hello niko.
rah rah rahhhh
i remember last year when he came around and he said that we'd go out to eat, but i could never do that at this point because i've got no time.
/:
and dude, niko comes in at some serious random times. but it's good to know, someone flies out to see you!
rah rah
{:
- - -
so now, i'm sitting here and i'm studying geometry and i'm just navigating allover here and there.
on another note, it really kills me how you say that she means nothing to you, and you don't care, and you have no feeling for her and then you go ahead and you say all of that, especially, well, to her, and i can't bother with that.
the other day you lied to me, too, and i can't deal with that either, because i told you i can't fucking deal with liars, especially if you're going to blatantly lie to my face after i already know the truth.
and! really, if thats seriously about me.
you have no clue what i'd even bother saying to you, because its complete bullshit.
really, honestly.
if you even think that way about me, or rather, think i think that way about you, just tell me, and get it solved, because apparently it's only making the situation almost awkward, and its only hurting me more, because i've gotta deal with making you feel comfortable, at least. because you're my friend, and i've gotta deal with that, at least. or rather, i owe it to you.
and really! i was totally waiting for us to be all chill, and like, maybe even become a little better past friends, but best friends. or rather where i'm just ridiculously comfortable with you, and its amazing.
because everyone wants someone like that, and you know i'm totally willing to give that to you, and i'm not even asking for anything in return.
because i know you could only do better with a person like that, or rather just a person to be around.
but if you only want to think my thoughts are like that, then honestly,
its only damaging you, and i just won't bother.
i'm not saying i'm not going to be around, or leave, because i'm totally incapable of that, but still.
i'll become almost apathetic towards you, and you'll see.
lol what bullshit, i can be apathetic to no one.
anyway.
man, straight up, i totally don't have feelings for you.
i'm machine, remember. we can't feel anything!
and besides, you're the one who makes it looks like you've got the most feeling out of the pair of us.
sigh.
- - -
i'm finally paying for semi-formal.
i'm going with rob, i suppose. and i guess i couldn't ask for anything more, really.
and besides its more so this foursome kind of thing of me, katie, rob and david, and more so shannon and dylan, but you know, yeah.
- - -
i'm thinking i always think too much, and in a way, that seems like i'm asking for too much.
and when i get it, i can always either just be too happy, or too sad.
and those are the variables controlling my days.
happy, or sad, i mean.
and.
the weather.